Unlearn Desire

Category: Financial Freedom

I have a feeling I could be seen as the killjoy of the century by stating that one of things we need to unlearn about money is desire.

What do I mean by this? Well, it’s nothing to do with physical passion, but everything to do with want, rather than need.

It’s something that took me a long time to grasp the concept of – and to be honest, at times I still struggle with it.

A classic example for me has always been cars. Since a teenager in Gunnedah admiring V8 Commodores, I have always loved sports cars. I promised myself by the time I turned 25, I would be driving a BMW. This was due to the fact that as a kid, my family watched Sale of the Century. I always equated smart people, and ultimately winners, as having this car as it was the ultimate prize.

This has resulted in me spending a large portion of my time obsessing over how I was going to have this car. Funnily enough, this is closely related to another unlearn lesson around belief, but more on this next week.

I believed I would get there, and I did – a week before my 25th birthday I took delivery of a bright blue Series 3 Sports.

If only that was the end of the story. Alas, no. I can say that since then I have owned seven sports cars.

Now when I say owned, what I should say, is financed. The funny thing about cars is that the new car smell and feeling wears off. It usually took me only a couple of years before I was eyeing off the next car, and desiring that feeling of new again.

The flipside of this desire however, is the fact that you never actually own anything. And it finally dawned on me that owning a car was not an asset – it was a liability.

Too often it is easy to want the newer things – the bigger TV, the latest outfit, new golf clubs, or a bigger house.

What this desire does, however is trap us. I found I was working to pay these cars off – trading them in and starting at ground zero again. Too often the things we want end up being the things that stop us attaining financial freedom, because I have learned in my forties that the person with the cash wins. Not the person with the best cars, outfit or home. Because a lot of the time, these things are paid for on credit – and ultimately end up costing us way more than the asking price.

So now, we drive our people mover with pride (fully owned after five years of paying it off) and my Mercedes convertible (okay, something things never change!!) for the long term. I don’t look at other cars or spend time thinking about what next.

I also put more focus on buying investment pieces (whether it be clothes, bags or anything else) that I love and that will last. A funny thing I have noticed over the past twenty years of working with some incredibly wealthy people in finance is that most of them are obsessed with getting value. They drive cars for 10 years, live in the same houses and only buy when things are a bargain. While I used to question why I now know the answer – it is the obsession with finding value, eliminating desire for things that really trap us, and slowly accumulating wealth that creates long term financial freedom.

And freedom after all, is what we all desire.

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Vanessa Stoykov

Vanessa has been passionate about writing and storytelling since her days of hiding under the doona with her torch to read after bedtime.
Kathy Skantzos

Kathy is a yoga-loving world traveller who also happens to moonlight as a business journalist and writer. She was the finance editor of news.com.au and the Managing Editor of CEO Magazine (Asia) before joining Vanessa and the evo squad.
Shayne Sommer

Shayne is second dan black belt in karate, and a budding romance writer with a difference. Why? Because she writes romance stories that always have a money lesson.
Antoinette Colbran

Specialising in stories for 50+ women, Antoinette draws from her own experiences to help other women avoid the pitfalls and see the benefits of understanding their money situation.
Michael Crooks

Michael Crooks is a more than 20 year writer and documentary maker who has worked with Time Inc and the BBC, who wants to expose the truth from real victims of financial crime to help others avoid their mistakes.
Kim Payne

Kim Payne has spent the past three decades as a speaker, trainer, business coach, and consultant in financial services. She has worked with and transformed hundreds of brilliant, educated, high achievers who are chronically under-living.
Rebecca Pritchard

Rebecca Pritchard is on a mission to help men and women achieve equality when growing a family.
Antony Perring

Ant is a writer, designer and business builder with a love of food, design and good living. He writes on food and money in an easy to do way.
Julie Hyde

Julie Hyde is a leader of leaders. A disruptor and a powerful people enabler who empowers leaders to make big things happen.
Joshua Pennell

As a Dad to four kids and a business owner, Josh is passionate about family and finances and is known as The Family Finance Guy.
Sid Lal

Sid is a serial entrepreneur who set up his first business when he was still in University. Since 2009 he has been heading Bruce Clay, first in India & more recently in Australia.
Lou Johnson

Lou Johnson believes in the power of sharing stories to build empathy, understanding and connection. Growing up surrounded by books and storytelling, alongside her drive to make a difference led her to a highly successful career in book publishing.
David Rae

Dave is a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER® professional and has been a financial adviser since 2003. He works with a range of clients and has a strong focus on ethical and sustainable investing.
Natallia Smith

Natallia specializes in assisting pre-retiree single women—whether they are never married, widowed, separated, or divorced—understanding deeply the importance of financial stability during life's pivotal moments such as separation, divorce, retirement, and the loss of a loved one.
Mark Hoy

With over 15 years of experience in financial services, Mark established Wollemi Wealth Management in 2013. His business is built almost entirely on referrals and word of mouth — a testament to the trust, integrity, and long-term relationships he forms with his clients.
Derek Gascoigne

Derek Gascoigne is the State Manager for UniSuper Advice in Victoria and Tasmania. Derek has been with UniSuper for over 15 years, and his career in superannuation and financial services spans 27 years and counting.
Annika Bradley

Annika Bradley is Head of Advice Strategy, Research & Technical at UniSuper. She brings over 20 years of experience across investments and wealth management in both the public and private sectors.
Wayne Leggett

Wayne has been a recipient of numerous industry awards and was one of the first to qualify as a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). He has been heavily involved in industry affairs at the highest level, including serving as national president of the Association of Financial Advisers (now FAAA).
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Conrad Francis is the Founding Director of Inspired Money, a Perth-based financial coaching and financial planning, mortgage broking and money coaching firm he established in 2011.
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Andrew Beks is a Chartered Accountant and the founder of Simplified Business and Accounting.